


Cardiac Attack in the Cradle of the Summer

by CursedUndead



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crossdressing, Disaster Gays, Established Relationship, M/M, Manga Ages, Pre-OT4, Sexual Tension, TikTok, maid outfits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:53:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28177197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CursedUndead/pseuds/CursedUndead
Summary: Kenma gets Kuroo to do the TikTok maid outfit trend with him. It doesn't go as he originally planned, but maybe that's for the better.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 3
Kudos: 70





	Cardiac Attack in the Cradle of the Summer

“Well, one of us has to change,” Kuroo says, deflating from the pose he struck in the doorway when he walked in.

Kenma sighs and picks at the fabric of Kuroo’s outfit.

“I didn’t mean you,” he says, as if it wasn’t obvious.

“I can see that,” Kuroo says, grabbing Kenma’s wrist to get him to stop picking at the skirt. “But you look _ damn _ good in it. And I don’t look half bad, right?”

Kenma looks him up and down and tries not to be obvious about it. With his messy hair, cheap maid outfit that hugs curves Kenma didn’t even know he  _ has _ and the thigh-highs - fucking _ thigh-highs _ . Where had he even gotten those? Kenma definitely didn’t tell him to get those, but looking at him in them, he also definitely should’ve - Kuroo looks like something out of Kenma’s wildest dreams.

“It’s not… bad,” Kenma says, slowly.

Kuroo snorts and tucks some of Kenma’s curly hair behind his ear. He’d let Kageyama curl it, and it’d been a mistake. Kenma is pretty sure his hair is burnt past recognition, but to get to Oikawa’s make-up skills he needed to let his boyfriend be involved in some way.

“Alright, now say it like complimenting me doesn’t bring you psychical pain.”

“No,” is Kenma’s instant reply.

Kuroo makes a small offended noise, but it doesn’t stop him from carefully rearranging Kenma’s hair to frame his face better.

“The trend is supposed to be putting the gamer boyfriend in the maid outfit. Hence, me in the maid outfit,” Kenma says, while pretending like he isn’t leaning into Kuroo’s touches like a touch-starved cat.

He shakes the skirt of his maid outfit in emphasis.

“That is  _ not  _ how you explained the trend to me. You just said bisexuals were drooling over men in maid and bunny outfits on TikTok, and I said as bisexuals it’s our job to make thirst traps for other bisexuals. And then Bokuto said please, Akaashi casually reminded us he’s bisexual, and you said ‘bet.’ That’s literally it.”

Kenma’s cheeks warm at the reminder of how Akaashi had looked at him. Which is  _ exactly _ why he’d wanted to do the trend in the first place. They’d been showing each other some of their favorite tiktoks and Akaashi had to scroll past many videos of boys in maid outfits and bunny ears to get to the funny ones.    
_ So many _ , Kenma thinks again. 

“I thought you’d look into the trend once I’d asked, not immediately go out and buy a dress,” he sniffs. 

He expects Kuroo to start a play fight over it, ask him how he was supposed to know that, he’s not as addicted to social media as the two of them. Kenma does  _ not _ expect him to move forward with a smirk, until Kenma has no other option but to sit gingerly on his bed.    
“Are you insinuating that you  _ didn’t _ need to go out and buy one?” 

Kenma leans forward so his carefully arranged bangs cover his face.

“Having one is practical,” Kenma says.    
Kuroo snorts.

“For what? You secretly a secret agent and need it for undercover missions or something?” 

“Fuck you,” Kenma says, kicking up Kuroo’s ugly hyena laugh.

Kenma is in the middle of raising his hand to flip him off when Bokuto’s head pops up in the doorway. 

Akaashi scolding him for not knocking before entering can barely be heard over his boisterous, “Hey, hey, hey! We had some free time and thought we’d come bother -  _ oh _ .”

Bokuto makes a show of slapping his hand over his eyes, and holding out an arm to keep Akaashi from entering. Kuroo bends at the waist, laughter more like a howl than anything else at Bokuto’s intrusion.    
“Akaashi, don’t come in! We  _ definitely _ interrupted something.”

“Then get out of the bedroom!” Akaashi hisses, pulling on Bokuto’s arm.

Kuroo’s laughter doubles in volume and Kenma buries his blushing face in his hands with a groan. Kenma doesn’t risk a glance upwards until he hears Akaashi’s sharp intake of breath. 

He’s looking at both of them with wide eyes.    
“What’s going on?” he asks.

Bokuto covers his eyes. 

“Akaashi! Your innocent eyes - don’t look!”

Kenma almost says something about how ‘innocent’ Akaashi really is, when his eyes land on him. 

“Oh,” Akaashi says, breathlessly. It’s a tiny slip, something Akaashi allows himself every once and a while before turning back into all business. He does so quickly, as he turns to Kuroo and says, “ I thought the idea was to have the gamer boy in the maid costume?”

Kuroo’s face loses all amusement and he groans, “What the fuck - did everyone but me know about the apparent rules of this trend?” 

Kenma, Akaashi and Bokuto all nod in sync.    
“What the fuck,” he mutters to himself. Then, louder, “Well, I guess it’s still a good thing that you guys showed up. They can help up with the trend thing. Two people in dresses and two people not.”

“I don’t know if-” Akaash starts, only to be cut off by Kuroo shoving him in Kenma’s direction. He trips over his own feet and Kenma catches him by his shoulders before he crashes into Kenma’s lap, their faces mere inches from each other. Akaashi’s cheeks go a pretty pink color as he says, “Okay, I’m in.”

Kuroo cackles again, but Kenma is too busy admiring the pretty, slowly fading pink on Akaashi’s cheeks. 

“If Akaashi is in, so am I!” Bokuto says, predictable as always. 

Kenma lets go of Akaashi’s shoulders now that he has his weight balanced on his hands, and leans back to rest against his own.    
“Alright, that fixes it then right, Kenma? I’m guessing Akaashi wants to do his part of the video with Kenma.” 

“I do,” Akaashi says, and Kenma takes satisfaction in the appreciative way he looks up and down Kenma’s body in the maid outfit. 

“Alright, loverboy,” Kuroo laughs, pulling Akaashi off of Kenma. “Stop simping for my boyfriend and lets get this done. Kenma’s fans are waiting.”

-

The video ends up being Kuroo lounging in Bokuto’s lap with a lazy smirk while a remixed version of Such a Whore plays. Kenma doesn’t get the appeal of the song, the lyrics are subpar at best, but it’s what’s popular right now, and the only song that fits the vibe of what his followers want. 

After the lyrics play, and as the beat drops, the camera transitions to show Akaashi and Kenma on the bed. Kenma is pinning Akaashi’s hands above his head and leaning forward lik he’s going to kiss him, and Akaashi stares up at him with eyes that are a little to wanting to be fake. Kenma stops leaning in just shy of touching Akaashi’s lips, and glances at the camera out of the corner of his eye before reaching out and covering it with his hand. 

It fits together in a seamless, sexually charged video that’s right on par with the energy a lot of other big name creators have been making. It’s not the video Kenma had imagined, but it’s bound to do better anyways. 

With Kuroo’s cocky, self-assured smirk that lets the viewer know he’s entirely aware of just how hot he looks, Bokuto’s sultry look and one hand suggestively placed against Kuroo’s neck and the other wrapped around his thigh, Kenma’s side glance and Akaashi’s pretty face lit up with a submissive blush, it’ll have the disaster bisexuals that follow Kenma losing their minds. 

_ Though they don’t seem to be the only ones _ , Kenma thinks, acutely aware of Akaashi’s eyes on him. 

Kuroo’s practically glowing under all the attention Bokuto is giving him, and Kenma can’t blame either of them. Akaashi still has a faint blush on his cheeks when the other couple leaves, giving Kenma time and space to shoot a few more videos in the dress for tiktok drafts. You miss a single day posting and the algorithm puts you through Hell, so Kenma always tries to be a few months ahead with not only YouTube but almost every piece of social media he uses. 

“Did you see the way those two were looking at us?” Kuroo asks, wrapping his arms around Kenma’s middle. 

Kuroo got out of his dress as soon as his shoot was over, but Kenma asked him to keep the thigh-highs on, so he has them on along with a pair of shorts. It’s a weird combination that shouldn’t and probably doesn’t work, but those flimsy fabrics have taught Kenma a lot about himself in the past half hour. (For instance, how he’d very much like to see Bokuto’s muscly thighs puffing out of them at the top, like an equally attractive but different version of all the pretty chubby girls he follows.) 

Kenma is reminded of the actual question he was asked when he feels Kuroo’s hand creep up under the skirt of his outfit. 

“... I think we should keep the dresses,” he says, instead of answering. 

“We didn’t call you the brain for nothing,” Kuroo murmurs in his ear, before turning his face down to kiss at Kenma’s neck instead.

Tugging his arms off of him, Kenma says, “Bedroom, now.”

Kuroo grins.   
“You don’t gotta tell me twice.”

**Author's Note:**

> don't kill me if the characterization & writing is bad I haven't written Haikyuu outside of Autumn's Kenhina fic in four years & I wrote it in twenty minutes with spite as my motivation please spare me 
> 
> I was gonna write the smut but I got cold feet because I'm still very bad at it I'm sorry lmfao 
> 
> Title was from Birthday by All Time Low! 
> 
> I'm just copy & pasting the notes I left on the twitter thread this is originally from I can't be assed to format it sorry lol


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